I got intensely frustrated the other day writing my dissertation, ready to smash a computer screen in, or rip off some kid’s face who was talking in the library.  Instead of coming home and putting on adele or eminem (as that’s all I seem to listen to nowadays), I rewound years and put this song on repeat.  And it made me realise why I don’t listen to heavy music anymore- I’m just not as frustrated or bitter about life anymore.  I very rarely feel that angry and have the urge to fill my ears and my head with hate. 

I used to get upset at the fact that I can’t be arsed with shows in the past year or so, because I felt like it signified me losing passion for life and everything that used to motivate or fulfil me.  But I think the truth is, I’ve just grown.  I’ve learnt to manage myself and my thoughts without feeling the need to lash out, or surround myself with things that I associate with loss of control.  It’s sad to let go of a part of your past that you felt was so important at the time, but truly, I feel like it’s just a rite of passage that I need to go through to become the person I really am, not the person hiding behind hatred and hurt.